The Concept of Death
by ten81CSI
Summary: Speed is dead, and he left his girlfriend. How does Logan Caine cope with his death, and how does she cope with the concept of love, and losing the one you love? She runs away. That's how she copes.
1. Good Bye Love

**_Hey guys. I got this idea after watching some re-runs of CSI: Miami. Yes, I understand Speedle died at the scene, but i thought I'd change his death around a little. In this Fanfic he's been dating Logan Caine, Horatio's sister and colleague. I wrote this as a oneshot but am considering writing a follow up story of Logan finding herself in New York. It depends on how this one goes so review PLEASEEE!! Thank you!!_**

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The rain dropped harder, and faster as she sped down the highway to get to the hospital. Something she normally wouldn't do when it rained, due to hydroplaning, but she didn't care. Her main goal was to get to the hospital before it was to late to say goodbye. No one was on the bridge, causing her to go 60 on a 35 mph bridge, flicking the lights on the top of her vehicle so she wouldn't be pulled over.

She sped into the parking lot of the emergency room and screeched to a halt in front of the doors. As the tires screeched, a bolt of lightening flashed before her eyes. She jumped out of the car, leaving the lights still flashing, and ran into the lobby. Horatio, Calleigh, and Eric were already there, sitting in the waiting room. Horatio's hands were wiped clear of any sign of Speedle's blood, while her hands, still had his blood, her white shirt stained with the memory of her lover's death.

She looked at Eric who sat with his head in his hands, and then she watched Calleigh wipe away a streak of tears running from right side of her cheek. Horatio was the only one brave enough to stand. He looked at her and shook his head, an indication of the surreal moment. Proof that this wasn't just a bad nightmare. It was a shootout and they lost. _She_ lost, and Tim lost.

As she watched him shake his head, she immediately dropped to the floor. Horatio caught her, and held her as she cried, letting out the tears of pain that had possessed her. He knew the pain she was feeling. He had felt it before, when Ray died. He knew it was probably worse for her though, because she had already lost Ray, and now she was going to lose Tim.

"Logan." H finally spoke. He pushed her blonde hair out of her face, and wiped away a few tears, just before she began to fill her eyes with more tears. "Let's go say goodbye."

"Okay." She sobbed. "Yeah." She stood up and followed H as he walked through a hall.

They reached a room and H let Logan walk in first. He watched as she sat next to his bed. His eyes were closed, and his chest moved, but only because he was on an incubator. She knew that as soon as he was removed from the incubator, he would be dead. She took his hand in hers, and used her other hand to touch his face. "I love you too." She whispered, as she remembered the last few words he would ever speak to her.

_"Logan…" He gasped, as his body lay helpless on the floor of the jewelry store. H was holding him, and wiping his mouth as he choked on his own blood, and Logan applied pressure to his chest, trying to stop the bleeding. "Baby, I love you." He said._

_"No." She shook her head. "Tim, don't do this." She begged. "Tim you're not gonna die."_

_"I don't care. I still do." She didn't say anything back, just looked at him as he started to go. "It's okay. Baby, it's okay. Move on. I'll still love you." _

_"Speed…" Both H and Logan said in unison as his body-stopped spazzing, and he loosened the grip on Horatio's hand. _

_"Oh my God." Logan said, choking on her tears. "Horatio, he's gone. Tim's gone."_

_"I know, Logan." He said as he checked Speed's pulse. "I know."_

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"Logan…" Horatio said. He had been watching Logan cry for about 3 minutes. "How long have you been dating Tim for?" He asked her one more.

"I don't know." She said. "Almost a year."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because." She said, not tearing her eyes from Speed's, "He was scared of what you would think." She managed to stop crying for a little while as she squeezed his hand. "He looks up to you…looked."

"Calleigh says his gun malfunctioned." He said, sitting next to her.

She let out a chuckle. Not because it was funny, but because she knew that it was true. "I told him to clean it, Horatio. I told him last night he needed to clean it, but he wouldn't listen to me." She finally looked at Horatio. "I'm going to miss him so much."

"We all are." H said, hugging her. "But we'll know that he went down with people all around him that loved him. Because we all did."

"I should have said it though. I should have told him I never told him."

"It's okay. He knew you did. You did, Logan."

"I did…" She whispered.

"Excuse me." The doctor came in and Logan nodded her head.

"We're ready." She said.

"Okay." The doctor said. "There's no telling how long he'll last. It could be hours, or it could be minutes."

Logan nodded her head. "I'll leave you alone okay?" Horatio asked before leaving the room.

"Are you ready Detective Caine?" Logan nodded her head, and watched as the doctor pulled the plug.

His chest rose and then fell slowly for the last time as he began breathing on his own once more. Then it started to rise faster and faster, grabbing all of the oxygen he could gather. He breathed for twenty-two minutes and twelve seconds on his own, until he finally gave up. For those twenty-two minutes and twelve seconds, she didn't let go of his hand, and she managed two kisses to his cheek, and one on his forehead as she said her last "I love you."

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Logan Caine stepped foot back into the lobby and everyone stood as she entered. Ryan, Alexx, and Frank had come to the hospital and were now waiting along with Horatio, Calleigh and Eric. She approached them and looked at her feet. "He held on for twenty-two minutes. 12 seconds." She said. "Doctors say you can take him now, Alexx."

"Thanks sweetie." Alexx said.

"I'll help you." Ryan said and followed Alexx.

"Logan, we're gonna do everything to find the gunmen." Frank said.

She nodded her head. "Horatio, I want to talk to you alone."

"Okay." Horatio said. "Let's walk." He set his arm around his sister's shoulder and they headed outside.

"I'm going to head back up to New York." She said to him. "I can't be here anymore. Horatio, I don't want to do this anymore. After Timmy's funeral I'm leaving."

"Logan you can't." Horatio said. "We need you here."

"And I need Tim." She said, stopping to look at Horatio. "We don't always get everything we want or need."

"You're my sister, Logan. I lost my brother, I'm not going to lose you too."

"I lost my brother too, Horatio, and someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

"Be grateful he got to spend the rest of his with you." Horatio said. "Make the best of the memories."

"I will." Logan said. "In New York."

"Okay." Horatio said, he wasn't going to argue with her. "When will you leave?"

"I'm not sure yet. I hate goodbyes. That's why I'm telling you ahead of time. And consider it my two weeks notice."

"I'll miss you."

"I know you will. But I'll visit. I just can't live here anymore."

"I understand." He said. "I love you Logan."

"I know." It seemed She was having trouble saying "I love you." To anyone now. She couldn't grasp losing Speed, just as she couldn't grasp the concept of loving someone. She had thought she knew the concept of death. That's why she became a CSI. But she was wrong. She didn't understand why people went the way they did, or even why they went at all.


	2. First Day Back

Her brain refused to function as she crawled into her bed. She pulled the covers up and then turned to the empty spot next to her. The spot where Speed would have slept. She stared at the empty spot and then set her hand on the empty pillow. It was cold. It seemed now a days everything was cold, even in the heat of Miami. Her heart was cold and empty from where Speedle was taken away from her, and even Speedle's body was cold, lips blue, and hands set into rigger.

She didn't sleep well that night, and when she actually did sleep, she dreamt of Tim.

_"Logan. I love you." Tim said as his body twitched, and he slowly started to leave the world. "I'll always love you."_

_"I love you too, baby." Logan said, kissing his forehead. "Don't leave me. I'm sorry I yelled at you last night, but please don't go! Timmy, don't leave me. I need you."_

_"I need you too." He gasped, locking eyes with her. "I need you, Logan._

_"Then fight. You fight."_

_"I'm trying." _

Then she bolts awake, sweat dripping from her forehead. She turns to Tim's side of the bed, and knows that he won't be there to tell her it was just a bad dream. Because it wasn't just a dream, it was the reality. It haunted her when she was awake, and when she was asleep also. She knows that if she doesn't get sleep it will just get worse, but she also knows if she sleeps she will be in pain in her dreams as well.

Maybe it will be okay one day. Maybe one day she would wake up and tears wont fall down her face. Maybe one day she'll wake up and at the mention of Tim Speedle she will smile, instead of falling to the ground, as she remembers he's gone forever. _Timmy's never going to come back,_ she tells herself. Then she stands up and she gets ready to go to work, like nothing ever happened, except as she opens the garage door, she sees his bike. He spent the night at her house the night before he died, and he drove her to work in his car the morning he died. She flips open her cell phone and dials Horatio's number.

"Logan." Horatio says in his strong secure voice. "What can I do for you?"

"His motorcycle is in my garage." She said, staring at the two-wheeled vehicle that sat before her eyes.

"Would you like me to pick it up or do you want to keep it?" He asked her, knowing she would say to keep it. That's how Logan was. She never wanted to get rid of anything that had something linking to her past.

"I'm going to keep it." She said.

"Are you going to use it?"

"No." She said, running her hand from the handlebars down to the seat.

"He'd want it to be put to use, Logan." Horatio said into the phone. "If you want, Eric will take it."

"No. I'll use it. Just not right now." She whispered into the phone. "Good bye."

"Bye Logan." Horatio said. "See you in a few minutes." She hung up the phone and then walked through the garage.

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Death is something all CSIs must strive to understand. They know that everyone dies, but this doesn't make everything easy when someone they loved dies, but it sure makes the idea a little easier to grasp. Logan Caine was the only one that still showed how shaken up she was now that Tim was dead. So when she entered the building, eyes were glued to her. The lab techs by now knew that her and Tim had been in a relationship before he died.

She didn't stop walking even though she knew the drama girls were staring hard at her, waiting for her to break at any second so that they would have something to gossip about at lunch.

However painful it would be, Logan knew she had to walk past them, and even if it was fake, plaster a smile to make them think they weren't getting to her. Hide the fact that deep down inside she was hurting. It was on the outside too. You could tell what she was feeling, even though she tried to hide it. "Hi." She said, approaching the pack of vultures. "Horatio?" She asked, but more demanded to the girls to tell her where here brother was.

"Behind you." One said, tossing a fake smile.

Logan turned and saw her brother, standing with his hands on his hips as always, still wearing his sunglasses even though he was inside. "Logan…" He said. "How you holding up?"

"That's a stupid question." She said.

"I know." He sighed, opening his arms to give her a secure spot, however, she refused to walk over to him. "Mrs. Speedle won't let me with the funeral. She told me I can keep the motorcycle, but she wants the necklace he gave me." She wiped away the tear the was forming. "Horatio. I'd rather have the necklace."

"That's the one you've just been recently wearing? The white gold one with the heart?"

"Yeah." She said. "Apparently he asked her for some of the money, so it's rightfully hers."

"Don't worry about the necklace. Worry about what you're going to say at the funeral." She nodded her head, but bit the bottom of her lip, tasting the blood she had just drawn. It should have hurt, but she didn't feel it. She wouldn't have known if she didn't taste the blood.

"I just want to catch this guy right now." She said. She walked to the elevator along side Horatio, and didn't say one word as she stepped onto the CSI floor. Eric stopped her and gave her a hug, just as Calleigh and Ryan did.

"You are gonna be just fine, okay? You watch. It may hurt, but it will get easier. I promise you that one-day it will be easier." Ryan was the only one to say something other than "I'm sorry." He pulled her into a hard hug, and whispered into her ear.

"Thank you." She managed her first smile since the death of her beloved. "Thank you so much. You're the first to tell me anything other than I'm sorry, and it's really helped."

"Your welcome." He said. "If there's anything you need, I'm here for you."

"Ryan, there's only one thing I want you to do. Help Horatio and Eric and Calleigh and everyone else find out who did this."

"Don't worry. We'll find them." Ryan said. "You know we will." He watched as she sat down on the nearest chair, crossing her legs and closing her eyes. Nothing anyone said could get her out of this trance.

Frozen in time, she wouldn't move. She couldn't move. She didn't make a sound as people passed her and whispered things about her. Nor did she even blink an eye when they stared at her with a look of curiosity. It was then that she understood what happened. It was then that Speed had talked to her.

It was just a moment, but it was the longest, most memorable moment in her lifetime. Something ran down her as she closed her eyes. A chill. And then she felt him touch her cheek, and his arms around her, cherishing her. "Logan." He said.

"Timmy." She whispered. Ryan hadn't noticed her talking to anyone because her voice was so low and he was to busy in his work.

"I know you love me." Speedle said. "You didn't have to tell me."

She saw him as her eyes stayed closed. "I love you." She said. "I have to tell you."

"Do me a favor then." He said. She reached her hand out but it seemed impossible to touch him. "When you go to New York, and a man asks you out, say yes." He said.

"I can't." She said. "I don't want anyone else."

"You will eventually." He said. "I'm telling you to say yes to him. Because he's going to treat you the best out of them all. And Logan, you are going to be a great mother."

"Mother?"

"Go to the doctors, love."

"Oh my God." She said aloud, opening her eyes. She noticed that Ryan was now interested in what was happening.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant." She said more to herself. "Oh my God." She stood up and looked at Ryan who was still staring at her. "Where's Horatio?"

"Right here." Horatio said, walking into the room. "What can I do?" He asked Logan.

"Horatio, I'm pregnant." She said. "I mean I think I am. I mean I haven't taken a test, but I probably am."

"Okay." Horatio said. "Calm down. Relax."

"Relax! I'm pregnant and my baby's not going to have a father. Oh God my baby's father is dead. Timmy's dead. Timmy's the father of my child!"

"Okay calm down you don't know for sure. Let's go and get an appointment, and we will only worry about it then."

"Horatio!" Logan said. "I can't raise a child on my own."


	3. Secret Box

**T****hanks for the support of the last two chapters!! It means alot you guys like this and too be honest when I got the reviews I updated a little quicker than usuall. So thanks and pleassee R'n'R!! I love hearing what oyu have to say and what you want to hear!!**

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He stood on the sandy beaches barefoot in a white button down long-sleeved shirt that was rolled to his elbows and had white pants. His idea of what Heaven is. He was an Angel now, and as painful as it was to say goodbye to Logan, he knew he could still see her whenever he wanted. He was her angel now. God had assigned him to her and their unborn child. He knew what the sex of their baby was, but he didn't tell her because he doesn't want to ruin the surprise. She loves surprises, he knew that. He also knew what names she would pick.

Speedle watched her as she waited in the waiting room, staring at the children, mothers, babies, and mothers to be. He smiled as she was called back and nervously bit her nails. He knew when she was nervous she bit her nails, and sighed a lot. He also knew that when she bit her lip she was annoyed with something. He didn't know what she was annoyed at. Was it him? Was she mad that he wasn't there, or was she mad at what his mother had said to her? He knew he was. She had no right to tell her that she was just another one of his flings, because she wasn't. He was in love with her when he left, and she was in love with him. They had been dating for about a year and that wasn't a fling.

"You are indeed pregnant, Ms. Caine." Dr. Shellback said to Logan as she wiped her clean of the ultrasound gel. "I'm sure Speed will be excited." Dr. Shellback knew that the two were dating because she loved the idea of getting to know her patients. She was even sometimes invited to parties, and invited some to her Christmas party. Logan was no exception and often brought Speed to the parties.

"Sandy…" Logan said.

"What's wrong, Logan?" The OBGYN asked her close friend.

"Timmy passed away three days ago." She said.

"Oh sweetie, why haven't you called me?"

Logan let a shrug come to her shoulders before standing up, to put her clothes back on. "I'm just now getting it to sink in my head." She sat back down, too overwhelmed with the fact that he was gone. "We went into a jewelry store to interrogate a suspect and… there was a shoot out."

"Logan, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Sandy Shellback said, hugging Logan, who now was wiping away her tears. "But you know, that he gave you the best gift he could before he left? He gave you a baby. The most memorable piece of him. When you look at this baby, everyday you'll think of him. You will never forget him."

"That's what I'm afraid of." She said. "That I'm never going to forget him. And that this is just going to get harder. Especially when this baby comes."

Shellback watched as Logan left the practice with a distant look on her face. She was dead inside, and her face showed it. There was no point in hiding the fact that she would be scarred for life with the fact that she watched the man she had fallen in love with die. He died in her arms and she didn't think she would be the same, or could be the same.

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"Speedle!" Logan screamed. She had her towel clenched tightly to her chest and she was hiding behind the wall that divided shower from locker room.

"Sorry." He replied, stepping into the other shower stall. "Its okay you can come out and change I can't see." His face was bright red and he was nervous of what rumors might spread from this accidental encounter.

She quickly hurried across the room to her locker and slid her bra and panties on. Then she hurriedly threw on a pair of jeans that she found. She rummaged through her clothes but couldn't find a shirt. "Almost done Speedle. I'm just looking for a t-shirt."

"There's a few in my locker if you need one." He yelled across the room. "You can take the Gators one or my CSI one."

"Thanks" she yelled back, reaching into his locker, which was already opened. She reached in and pulled out an orange shirt that had "Gators" unscripted in blue, and the University's mascot on it. She took the hair scrunch from her wrist and tied the shirt to make it fit a little better. "Okay it's safe now." She assured him.

He let out a sigh of relief and then walked back towards his locker. He took in the sight of Logan Cane in his shirt, and once again his face was flushed.

"Any word on your case?" She asked him, trying to make conversation.

"Well she was pregnant." Speedle sighed, clipping his gun back onto his hip. "She had an abortion, and that could be good motive for the father to kill her. Whoever the father is."

"That's horrible." She said, shaking her hair dry, as Speedle let out a chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"Why do women do that? Shake their hair. It doesn't help." He replied.

"Why do guys grab their balls in public?" She asked, causing Speed to turn red once more. "I mean you criticize me, would you like it if I criticize the way you think?"

"I was just wondering because we scratch our balls 'cause it itches. There's a reason behind it. You just shake your hair and it doesn't make it dryer." He replied.

"To get the knots out." She answered for him. "And towel drying does help. It dampens it. So its not drenched. And the answer to the next question is no you can't have your shirt back when I'm done with it." She smiled, whipping him with the towel. He lifted his leg in defense and smiled as he caught the towel. "Damn it." She laughed.

"You wanna talk about the other night?" He asked her, setting his hand against the locker.

"No. No. No, no, no, no!" She sighed, and plopped herself on the bench. "See, this is why." She said. "This is why the other night nothing happened! Because of this talk. We…. We can't just have sex and then forget about it. Because that's not what you want. You want to have sex and not forget and be a couple. That's why I stopped your kiss. I am not a commitment woman. I am one nighter kind of girl okay? So if you ever need me for a night, call me up. But I can't sit here and lie to you and say yeah let's do it! And then you get emotions and then everything isn't good! And then we're sneaking around and everything" She continued her rambling until he kissed her.

"I think you are the one with the emotions." He said, holding her face.

"No." She said. "But Horatio and Calleigh and Ryan!" She started.

"Calleigh and Ryan will get over the fact we aren't interested in them. And we don't have to tell H anything you don't want to, okay? Let's just see where this goes."

She nodded her head before saying, "I think its about to go right here."

He smiled and kissed her, rougher this time, and biting her bottom lip. She managed to get her hand under his un-tucked shirt and was slowly working her way to his front. He lifted _his_ shirt above her head and tossed it while she unbuttoned his quickly. He stared at her for a few seconds, taking in how beautiful she was before she continued to rip his clothes off and visa versa.

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Her thoughts drifted to the first time her and Speedle had sex as she walked back into the crime lab. She headed for the locker-room, ignoring the fact that Ryan had tried to acknowledge her. She walked to the spot that her and Speedle had first gotten together a year ago and sat in the same spot he had kissed her. She closed her eyes and played the nights before they declared that they liked each other.

_"Wanna grab some dinner? You deserve it." He sat down on the bench and watched as she pulled her shirt off revealing a peach colored tank top. She threw a Buccaneers t-shirt over it and then turned to look at him. _

_"Dinner?" She laughed and slammed her locker shut. "Dinner sounds like a date Timothy Speedle." She turned and pointed her finger in his face and he swatted it away._

_"No, just dinner." Speed said, and listened as both their stomachs let out a load rumbling sound. "Promise."_

_"Sure, but it's gotta be at a sports bar. The Bucks are playin' tonight." She laughed, sitting down and tying her sneakers tight. She stopped suddenly when she realized she was too close to him. She looked up to say something but he had already grabbed her and was kissing her. She fell into the kiss, and let him get the best of her before she had finally realized what was happening. She pushed him away and then wiped her mouth. "I don't think we should be doing this, Speed." She started._

_"Why not?" He asked her, standing up._

_"Because." She said hurrying off._

The truth is it was the best kiss of her life. She had never been so caught off guard in her life, and loved how spontaneous Speedle could be. It was something she loved about him.

Speed had never thought that the kiss had made such an impact on her. He always thought she had been upset he had pushed her into something she didn't think she was ready for. But as he now watched her, he realized that she didn't think that at all. It put a smile on his face even though she couldn't see it. He ever knew how much she really did love him, and he realized that her loved her if not as much, more than she loved him.

"Hey" A voice came from behind her. She figured it was Ryan or Horatio. She didn't know which because she had been to busy wrapped into her thoughts to listen to the distinction of the voice. Whoever it was, he sat next to her, and she turned to see Eric Delko sitting next to her. "What did the doc say?"

"I'm pregnant." She sighed, "I don' know if I should be happy or sad or confused or what…"

"Be happy that you have Speed's baby, but be said Speed is gone. You're allowed to have more than one emotion at a time."

"Everything reminds me of him as it is. This bench, Eric your shirt reminds me of his eyes. And this baby is just going to give me more to remind him by. It's hard enough as it is. And what do I tell this baby when it starts to ask about Daddy?"

"You tell him or her that his daddy was a hero, and that he died fighting for you and for your baby." He said.

"Thanks." She said. "I feel like he's watching us." She said.

"He probably is." Eric smiled. "He probably got in tight with God and they probably made him a high powered Angel, or something like that. Who knows maybe he's got a cool title like the Angel of Death does…. Like maybe he's the Angel of… smart-ass comments."

Logan smiled and hugged her colleague. "Thanks for the laugh." She said.

"So what are you going to do now?" He asked. "H said you were moving to New York."

"Well…" She sighed. "Maybe. Right now I just want to have this baby, and if it gets to where I can't live here anymore maybe I'll move. But tonight I'm going to go to Tim's house and clean it out. You and Ryan and anyone else are welcomed to help."

"I'll tell them." Eric nodded.

"Thanks." She said. "I'm going to see if H needs my help."

"Bye Logan. Good luck." He said as she left the locker-room.

She walked into trace and saw Natalia Boa Vista recording something on a sheet of paper. Horatio sat next to her. "Logan…" He said, acknowledging her.

"Yup." She said nodding her head. "But anyways tonight anyone is welcomed to help. I'm going to go to Tim's house and see if we can clean it up a bit. See if anyone wants anything."

"Yeah… I'll be there." Natalia smiled.

Logan nodded her head and then turned to leave the lab. She walked once again alone as she entered the Miami sun, setting her sunglasses on her face, hiding her pain and not allowing anyone to realize the sadness in her eyes. She wasn't very hungry but she decided to eat at a local diner alone.

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She never realized how much pictures of them he had until she had found an box under his bed filled with photos and other things they had gained together. The stuffed octopus that she won at the fair and made him keep, and the first love letter she ever wrote him. She decided she wanted to keep everything in the box and set it on the unmade bed. Speed was always a mess.

"Logan…Calleigh found something you might want to see." Alexx said, as she stood in the doorway of Tim's bedroom. Logan nodded and stood up to join everyone in awe in the living room.

"What's going on?" Logan asked, putting her hands in her back pockets.

"Low…" Calleigh said. Logan didn't say anything but she secretly hated when Calleigh called her "Low" "I found this in the kitchen. It was in the junk drawer. I think he was hiding it from you." She explained.

"Just tell me what it is, Call." Logan snapped, returning the unwanted nickname favor.

"It's a ring." Horatio helped out.

"Like… an engagement ring?" Logan asked. Calleigh nodded her head and turned to ask for help.

"He was planning on asking you to marry him." Alexx explained for the stunned Logan.

"Oh my God." She said before the tears started to fall and she took the box from Calleigh. She opened the box and found the most beautiful white gold ring ever. She took the silver necklace she was currently wearing and tool the circle off it, setting the ring through the loop and putting it back on her neck, so she'd be able to keep it. She said nothing as she went back into his room and grabbed the box to bring it to the living room and share the secrets they had been keeping for a year. Everyone laughed and smiled as she told them stories of their past. The past no one knew existed until three days ago.


	4. Oyster Dinner

Heyy guys. I know its been awhile and i know its a short chapter, but I've been busy and i have been writing the sequel to this, there is only going to be one more chapter!! SO sorry for the short one. The next is Speeds funeral, and then ill be adding the sequel.

Eric Delko thought about Speed and Logan as he climbed into his car. When Calleigh had asked him earlier if he knew about the two he lied and said no. The truth was, Speed had told him about a month into it, and he was the one that went with Speed two months ago to pick out the ring. He was going to propose three weeks from now at the annual oyster dinner, but it seemed fate had different plans.

He sighed as he turned the key in the ignition and drove off, wondering how Logan was going to make it through the funeral in one piece. She was carrying a child who had no father to help, she lost someone she loved, her boyfriend, her child's father, her best friend.

He felt like lying wasn't going to help anymore. He had to tell Logan that he knew, but he was scared if he admitted it she would be so heartbroken and upset with him. As he thought he barely realized he had decided to tell her and was on his way to her house.

He pulled up and noticed the garage door was open. Logan stood in front of the bike and when she saw him she forced herself to cast a small smile. She hadn't expected him to stop by, but she wasn't shocked. She figured there was something he hadn't told her.

"Look." Eric said, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. "I knew you and Speed were dating. He told me, like a month after you guys hooked up. I just wanted you to know that I was with him when he picked out that ring. He was planning on purposing a few months from now at the oyster dinner."

"I figured you knew." Logan smiled at him. It was the first smile she had given since Tim died that was genuine. The first hint of happiness in her since she had said good-bye. "Timmy tells you everything." She said, but corrected herself. "Told." She whispered. She picked at the leather seat, and couldn't look up. "I remember his smile and I keep wondering to myself, what if I forget it?"

"You'll never forget that smart ass's smile" Eric smirked. "And if you do I'm sure there's plenty of pictures to remind you."

"Yeah." She smiled again, and once again it was a real true smile.

Eric felt him right there. He was pretty sure Logan did too. When she smiled, the warm Miami air suddenly got a chill, and a wind rose and swept up leaves into her perfectly cleaned garage. It sent a chill running up her spine, and she knew he was watching them.

Tim smiled when he watched Logan and Eric comfort each other in his loss. It was something they had in common. Something that together they could work to over come.

XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eric had offered Logan company whenever she needed it, and she took him up on it. She cooked them Ramon Noodles and they watched TV. Eric didn't expect her to fall asleep on him. She did though, and he quietly got up and set a blanket on her. Speed chuckled as he watched the site. God had given Speed the will to walk on Earth because he was an Angel. Even though he wasn't seen, he could see them.

When Eric stood to use the bathroom, Speed took the chance to sit at Logan's feet. He watched her as she breathed. Her chest rising up and down. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The most amazing woman he knew, and he couldn't believe he would never be able to hold her again.


	5. Good Bye Forever

**_Sorry It's been so long, and I am even more sorry this is sooooo short !!! But I was really anxious to wrap it up. I'm beginning a sequel so look out for that !!!! There is a sneak peek at the end of this! I reallyyy hope you like it and please dont kill me since I didnt write a long chapter!! Especially since I've kept you sooooo long!!_**

If she heard, "I'm sorry for your loss," one more time she was sure she would have lost it. It was the worst day ever and all anyone could come up with was, "I'm sorry for your loss." She hated how everyone thought they knew what she was feeling, but really they had no clue to even a fraction of what she was feeling. And on top of it Speedle's mother was a complete and total bitch.

She had asked for the ring Tim bought Logan, and when Logan refused she threatened to take her to curt for it. Logan simply replied, "Timothy used his own money not yours." And then Mrs. Speedle had said she was going to file for full custody of Logan's baby. Horatio had dared her to, and she said she would take up his generous offer.

As the funeral ended, she began crying harder. It was really over for good now, really goodbye forever. Nothing she did could take back the horrible day that she lost her boyfriend.

And the only thought she had as she crawled into bed that night was, "I need to get away." And Speed agreed with her. He wanted her to leave. He didn't want her to run away, but he wanted her to run, and he didn't want her to look back.

He wanted her to be happy, and Miami wasn't able to make her happy anymore. She wanted their sun to be able to have a white Christmas, like they had. She wanted their baby to grow up and be able to become whoever, she didn't want it too feel like it was living in its father's shadow.

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"I'm moving as soon as this baby is born." Logan stated at work two weeks later. Eric, Calleigh, Horatio, Ryan, Frank, and Alexx were sat down all together. None of them spoke. They let Logan tell them what was going to happen.

"I've thought about it, and it's something that has to be done. It's how I need to move on. I need to move on, even if I can't or don't want to I have to. For this baby. I need to be happy, and Miami doesn't make me happy anymore."

"You call us everyday." Alexx said, a tear running down her face.

"Send us pictures." Eric said. "And make sure you teach her how to play softball."

"Her?" Logan laughed.

"It's gonna be a girl." Ryan spoke. "We know."

"No." Calleigh laughed. "I bet it will be a boy."

"We're flying out when you go into labor." Horatio said.

"Thanks guys." Logan smiled, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm happy that you guys are letting me go."

"It's what you need to do." Frank said. "We don't blame you. Just know we'll all miss you. You are a wonderful person."

"Thank you Frank." Logan spoke. She hugged everyone. "I'm going to miss you all to."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning." She explained.

"Good luck." Eric said, kissing her cheek. "Call me every day."

"Thank you. And you better visit me." She smiled.

They sat laughing and smiling for a few hours, as they had their last laughs together as a whole. And she said goodbye to the people she loved all over again.

**_And now the sneak peak!! _**

I'd never actually fallen in love. I didn't think it would be the way it was when I did though. I never thought I wouldn't realize I had love until it was already gone. Until it was too late, until he was murdered.

It all happened so fast I couldn't even tell you what I was thinking as it did. I remember one minute we were smiling and the next, we were shooting at the bad guys, fighting for our lives. It was a war. And you have to win every war in this job. Because if you lose, you die. If you make one false move, you take the biggest risk ever. You endanger yourself. If you forget to clean your gun, and the one day you don't you'll need it. He needed it, and it failed him.

He died in my arms on March 6th 2006. He came to me a few days later and told me everything would be all right, but I didn't think it would. Everything was falling apart. After I had Timothy Speedle's son I moved to New York City. I figured it would be a nice reset button. A nice way to start over, because everything in Miami reminded me of him.

When my son was born, I named him Timothy Dalton Speedle Jr. The most upsetting part was he looked just like his father. The same dark curly hair, same eyes, all the way down to the same crooked toes. I had moved away to get rid of the memories, but it seemed that with his son still with me, I could never get away.


End file.
